I wish I knew less about everything

Saturday 10pm

ghetto blaster

An evening as DJ Ghetto Blaster. No worry in the world, just music, dancing and loads of cake.


Sunday 4 am

As I’m writing this sentence, it is exactly 3:43 am on a Sunday morning according to my laptop clock. In my mouth I have a taste of everything I’ve eaten today, around me are dirty dishes and abandoned birthday balloons lying in clusters on the floor. And then there is me, sitting on the living room sofa, with messy hair and smushed make-up, dressed in yet another homeless-person-night-time-outfit (= 3 layers of jumpers, a poncho and a blanket wrapped around my waist = as far away from sexy as anything can get).

All the excess energy from the sugary party foods are making it somewhat impossible for me to fall asleep. I have just finished watching so many episodes of Parks and Recreation I don’t even dare to count, and being awake 6 hours past regular bedtime will most definitely destroy my sleep cycle completely. (Gosh, how old am I really?) My thoughts are jumping back and forth between the coming Monday and the current moment; with questions ranging from “what will happen in these next coming weeks at work” to “why did i ever think blue eye shadow was a fun idea” and highly intelligent thoughts like “i really should go wash my face”.

My friend just celebrated getting older and I’m wondering weather I’ve recently started to grow my very first grey hair. The routines I’ve got myself into have definitely made me feel like 98 years old. I mean, I have lived in the same village for over a year! If I knew there was nothing else out there, nothing more to discover, i would probably be fine…. but I do. And I’m feeling the opposite. I know too much and therefore I feel stagnated… Stagnated and old!


Tuesday 7 am

No coffee in the house (=disaster). Too much pepper in my breakfast. A dark cloud above my head.


Tuesday 8:55 am

Desperation. Frustration. Momondo.com and scouting espace options.


Tuesday 10 am

Escape plan: check

Escape buddy: check

Mood: adventurous


Tuesday 6 pm

My escape-buddy was late, but only four minutes this time. We don’t waste time waiting, but stretch out our thumbs and hope for a good hitch. In my backpack I have sausages and two bananas and everything it takes for a girl to survive a night somewhere else than home. It doesn’t take long for our dream hitch to drive towards us; a silver Volkswagen that looks weirdly familiar. And indeed, as I get a closer look at the driver I recognise him to be my fitness instructor from Pancota. The ride to Arad is fast and free of charge.


Tuesday 8 pm

After a brief visit to some stores we head towards a local coffee place in Arad. (Don’t know the name, I didn’t even look.) Hidden a bit further from the heart of the centre, this living room-like hangout place looks small and smoky from the outside but offers room after room of comfortable and artsy sitting spaces. I feel inspired already. We find a good spot and enjoy our existence and flush our conversations down with wine, beer and laughter.




Tuesday 10 pm

I’m sitting in the kitchen of a home i’ve never been in before. I’m eating sausages and soup, drinking tea and telling stories in German language. Though I didn’t expect all this, I am feeling content about how the little spontaneous evening away from Siria turned out to be.

As it approaches 11 pm, we switch rooms and I get to take advantage of a perfectly functioning shower. Showers with hot water are more of a rare luxury in my current life, and every chance for one needs to be used. I fall asleep in the room of an artist, who I know will become famous one day.


Wednesday 10 pm

The street view. It’s time to head back to Siria.





Wednesday 1 pm

This time around it was enough to just escape to the next biggest town, but next time there might be a need for something more.

I wish I knew less about what places are out there so that I would just be happy with where I am now. I wish I knew less about what else is there to see so that I would just be content with the view currently in front of me. I wish I knew less about God so that I could just pretend to not need him. I wish I knew less about my limits so that I’d be ok when they are not stretched. And I wish I knew less about how the world works so I could just be young and naive and run into every new thing with crazy enthusiasm and energy.

I wish so many things, but mostly that I’d know less about everything.




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