Accepting the challenge.

I could tell you about the subtle change of colors outside, the clambering plants on the rock outside our living room window turning from green to bright red as September is on the verge to becoming October. I can tell you about what window the sun is peaking through at what time of the day. But except from that I don’t feel like there is so much more to say at the moment (well, there are always things to say, but you know what I mean – sometimes the actual living takes so much processing not much else fits) But the truth is, If my life had a soundtrack right now, it would be the gurgle of the coffee machine. It’s as quiet as that. (And as a contrast, of course, my heart beat in my ears as clear as if I held a stethoscope to my own chest before I’m entering the school building, starting to worry I’ve got a hint of social phobia)

But, In spite of a dying summer and fading confidence, new life is being borne (our friends just had a healthy little baby boy!!!!). And here, new habits are shaping like fists held up in both victory and anger, new roads, new way of thinking. But still, when I take a walk or run it’s the same track every time, to stay sane I’m determined to hold on to my only bit of weekly consistency.

I’m happy I kind of have a job, but to be fair, to be on-call never knowing when the next working day is feels like having a constant underlying sickness, like an ulcer, or a cold, you never know when it will pop up again. And I must say, I don’t wish that upon anyone.

If I look to the right from where I am sitting whilst writing this, It still looks like summer. But I think I need to start to accept, the battle is here, autumn has arrived, and I need to get myself a new life (and job).

Wish me luck,

/J

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