We are so much more than we can order on the internet.

20140414-152526.jpg pic source here

I am sick, and I’m pretending the world is taking a break for my sake too. I’m pretending I’m not at all missing my driving test right now in this minute, nope nope. Neither that I missed my doctors appointment or my last three driving lessons either. Because when I get out of this lying down position, stand up on these two shaking legs of mine and walk out of my front door, the world will start spinning again, and I won’t be left behind with a task list longer than the Budapest half marathon to deal with. No no.

Or maybe I am just having the wrong approach. As a matter of fact, I was dreading that driving test, and cancelling because of sickness is a nicer excuse than nervous breakdown. “Born to be driven” as Nigel’s friend Ben put it. Learning to deal with life’s troughs I say. Ironically I’ve forgotten that word now I wanted to say, not contemplate… Constitute…maah, contentment, here we go. Learning to be content in all circumstances. Biblical principle I’ve heard.

After almost three full on days of not being able to lift a finger, never mind eating, I feel like I’ve reached a comfortable state of emptiness. I just am. This’s will probably fade as soon as the flat Pepsi I just drank will get out of my system, but now it is. I drag an armchair outside, would kiss the sun if I could reach, have patience with Treia even if she licks me and in pure excitement almost throw up on my blanket. I feel this thing rising up in me, this cherry blossoming, tender grass swaying, fragile hope.

Ah, I praise the lady birds mindless wandering in front of me, the ready-to-fly dandelions (that now and then blows up a snow storm ready to kill anyone with pollen allergy) and the chirping birds. I’m almost chocked by my attitude.

Is that.. Can it really… Am I, content?



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