Reflections of the “now”, the “me” and the “holiday”

People say I’m brave, but maybe I’m just crazy.

Moving around all the time, having no possessions, no career plan, no apartment with mortgage, living an unsettled life. Not much of average. No normality.

When people ask me where I’m from, i have a difficult time giving an exact answer. My passport says I’m Finnish, but in my heart I’m not really sure. When someone asks me where my home is, I just give the name of the place where I have my suitcases stored at that moment. And when people want to know where I would like to settle down one day, I have no idea. And to be honest, i’m not even sure, if I ever will.

I feel the most like myself, when I’m on my way to somewhere. Preferably on an eastern european train or a bus that was built 20 years ago. Unknown roads. Unknown languages. Inspiring cultural differences. Mountains. Cities, that make me wanna take a picture of everything. Streets, where old men are sitting on park benches feeding pigeons and smoking pipes, laughing together a loud grandpa-laugh. When i can enjoy beautiful sunsets and just reach my arm out to take a grape of a natural, tasty kind. When even in a quiet moment you can hear a dog barking somewhere in the distance. When i feel like i’m wasting minutes of my life, but in the best way.

I like it when my surroundings give me a challenge, when there is no hour that can be compared to the other, when people come over for a visit spontaneously, or when my brain is so full of ideas, I’m doing seven things at the same time. When i can be my strange self and eat parsnip for breakfast, if i feel like it. When a day turns even better than planned. Or worse. Point is, nothing went according to my own ideas. Moments, when cultures don’t collide, but become beautiful and unique ways of being. When differences are not doomed, but used as a chance to challenge own mindsets and develop new ways of thinking. When I’m forced to share. When I have to rely on the help of total strangers, whom i might later call my friends. When i get my character tested.

When there is time to listen to my own heartbeat. It’s so steady and slow these days.

Life is a wonderful race, but it’s good to take pit stops every once and a while. Getting the oil changed, wheels re-balanced and making sure the GPS is directing to the right place. And I’m talking about myself here.

So much happened this year, so many things have changed. Now it’s time for a break. Time off from my reality and my dream, to make sure is not just an illusion i’m floating in. Preparations for some more cold winter days to come, a new year with lots of good (and unpleasant) to give.

Time to enjoy every second like it’s the last sip of Fair Trade coffee in my cup.

Ultimately, what i wanted to say is: I might be crazy, but my life is crazy awesome. I can say I’m enjoying the now, the me and the holiday. Thank you 2013, I’m so happy you are ending.

 

Stay tuned people, I’ll be back next year!

/miia

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